Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Quick before the month is over.

Look at this delicious little boy. He turned 18 months and will be soon be 19 months so I had better write this post.

Travis is such a great little boy. So full of charm and will definitely be the life of the party. He does have a bit of a temper though and hmm wonder who he gets that from. My mom would say me as she would then continue to tell me of the time "I stomped off...." Come to think of it maybe she is right.

Any how enough about that. Let's talk about some facts about my little brother bear.

Loves his blankies....only these two. Same texture....different colors.
LOVES shoes! Any size and make....he has to have them on.
Calls his sister "sissy" and Say's "ssh" when we pass her room when we go downstairs after nap time (she's still sleeping)
Crazy, crazy for Nana.
Crys when Dada leaves to go outside or hit golf balls off the deck.
Mama's boy big time.
Has all his teeth but his four "I" teeth but they should be here soon because brother you have been drooling over those babies for months now.
Drinks from a big boy cup but still has his favorite sippy. So not switching him just yet.
Loves water. Drinks it, plays with it, etc. Just plain loves it.
Hearts him some puppy dogs
Wants a big boy booster seat so badly. (for the kitchen table)
Gets excited when the trash man comes on Wednesday and Saturday mornings.
Is a lite sleeper.
Just getting over yet another ear infection...tube time buddy boy.
Just crazy about mommy's work out head bands.
Blows kisses.
gives great hugs but only on his terms.
Has a puppy toy that he favors and is the only other item allowed in his bed but still prefers to sleep just with his blankies.
Can pin his sissy to the ground with little to no effort.
Thinks it's funny when mommy and daddy say "no."
Loves to bang and make lots of noise.
Loves to play "up" "down" with you on the chair or bed.
Is only squirmy getting "changed" with mommy and daddy.
Loves to sit on the potty chair. (has done both on there on more than one occasion.)
Cant get to the bath quick enough when you say it's bath time.
You are a crier. Much more than Campbell ever was but that's you being you.
Loves to climb in the jogging stroller.
Runs to his side of the car when we are going bye bye shouting "side, side"
Has more than 25 words which the pediatrician said was outstanding for a boy of 18 months.
Not afraid to carry around a purse and sport one of sissy's bows every now and again.
Hates the paper on the doctor's table.
Loves sissy.
Drives sissy crazy.
Did I mention he Loves sissy.
great night time sleeper....not a great napper but used to be.
has great hair!
likes trains and cars.
Has a BFF named Jack and he is now saying his name to boot.
Loves being outside.
Dances. Loves to dance to music and is the cutest little High Chair/car seat dancer around!

Travis you are my sweet boy and we love you so much. You have grown up so fast. Where did the time go. Just last year I was posting your sixth month post and really diving into blogging. Now you are just a stone's throw away from being two.
Slow down my little boy, I need you little just a while longer.


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Monday, June 29, 2009

Stickers for Listening?

So you know the drill. Some mom's do a chore chart where stars are added to the chart each time a chore is complete. X amount of stars = a prize or allowance. Other mom's do the stickers for "learning to potty" either applying to a chart or to the actual potty. Well I have decided to try the sticker chart to develop better listening skills that will hopefully help with the disobedience I am noticing from Campbell. This sticker chart is just for her because I dont think Travis could understand yet. NOT sure she does. BUT she does love stickers. So I figured that she would get a sticker for everytime she listened to mommy and behaved/obeyed/made good choices. Good idea? I think so on one hand but on the other I am wondering if I am building a "reward me" mindset.

Well I want to try something because this constant bickering, raising my voice and disicpling is wearing on me. Heavens she is only going on three. She cant be terrible right...then again there are days it seems as if she is and I just envision a 13 year old not respecting me because she never heard the word "no" or was corrected for disobeying.

I must say that she did say something to me when I had to get after her that just broke my heart. Right now one of the things she does which is a whole different post is that she is constantly taking off her clothes. I know it is hot outside but when I say she is taking her clothes off I mean down to her bare nothings. It drives me crazy!!!!! So when I came downstairs today to find her naked yet again for the 4th time today I went in and told her that she had "not listened" that mommy had to tell her three times to keep her clothes on now she was naked again. I gave her a spank and had her dress herself. I tried to explain (again) when it is apporiate to take our clothes/panties off and right smack dab in the middle of it she opens her sweet little mouth with tears running down her face and looking me straight in the eyes to say to me "mommy I just try to make you happy." Oh the shudder that ran down me at that very moment. All I could do was sweep her up in my arms and hug her tightly telling her that "she" did make me happy. Every day and in every way. I told her that she was a good person but she made a bad choice/decision. That she did make me happy. I had tears running down my face. I just felt so terrible. Is being naked so bad? We are at home. She has never taken her clothes off in public. Was I shaming her? Was I being too hard on her. UGH the guilt!!!

Once we got dressed and tears wiped away I suggested to her that she tell me why she wants her clothes off and I got the ole "I dont know mommy."
I just sat there shaking my head, I just dont know myself.

So back to the stickers for listening. I whiped up a sheet of construction paper and told her that everytime she "used her ears, opened her heart and mind" and behaved that she would recieve a sticker. She was really excited about the idea of getting a sticker and mentioned that she would "use my ears mommy." I was excited thinking that today would be a good day. Well it turned out pretty good but as you will see. She only got one sticker today. But I am not rewarding for plain listening. I am only rewarding for listening and obeying. I hope that makes sense to you mommy's out there because there is a difference. Examples. Listening and obeying would be when mommy asks a little girl to pick up the basket of dolls that she is done playing with and place the dolls in the basket back on top of the toy box. When she listens to what is said and completes the task w/o whining I might add then a sticker is rewarded. Or if at nap time I ask her to quickly go up the stairs and sit on the potty and she does that then a sticker is given. But for plain listening like me reading a book to her or just talking with her while she plays is another type of listening skill. One she doesn't seem to have an issue with or I for that matter. It all boils down to the disobedience and from what I am seeing being disobedient results from not listening. Testing her limits I would say.

So here it is....our sticker chart. But what do you think? Is this a silly concept? Is there a better idea? I am open to suggestions.

Yes I do know that one is not facing the way it should but I cant seem to upload it correctly. It is correct in my picture file. Ugh, life is hard sometimes.

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Listening and disobedience

Trying times at our house lately. So round two goes to the Toddlers.....UGH!

It seems that poor listening skills have led to lots of disobedience. My two almost 3 year old is showing HUGE signs of what some call "selective hearing." The 18Th month old is just seeming to follow suit.

So what's a mommy and daddy to do. WIN I say. I, we, must WIN this battle in order for there to be sanity in this house not to mention well behaved children.

I feel as if I am constantly raising my voice, clapping my hands, redirecting, time outs, yes...spankings. I believe in discipline for my children. Not one that does harm but it must be effective.

Maybe this is just a part of the cycle. I survived the midnight wakings and the crying it out stage right. So I suppose we will survive this cycle too.
I am reminded of a song I just heard on a blog. It wont be like this for long by Darius Rucker.

Maybe I should listen to that more often. But for the time being I would love to hear the craziness in your life and how you are dealing with it or have dealt with it. Let me hear from ya!

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Friday, June 19, 2009

friday humor.

So this was shot a few weeks back but boy is my little baby boy becoming a BIG BOY.
18months already....yes, I forgot to celebrate that back on the 6th. But I will post more about how BIG BOY he is later. For now just enjoy a little clip.

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Monday, June 15, 2009

a different path

So I have been doing a lot of thinking. I am going to do limited updates on the medical path I am headed on here at this blog. Instead I am going to be posting about this time in my life here.
I want my clubhouse blog to be about my kids and regular life stuff. I don't want it to become tainted with the ugliness that may come out during my walk on the path I am about to take.
I invite you to visit this other blog and please stay here too for not so health related (mine that is....I will discuss the kids ear aches and tummy woes here at the clubhouse.) good times.

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Longhorns win

They win on a walk! Now they face ASU on Tuesday (7ET)!!!!!!

Go Devils!!!!

Living in Texas, I would love to see us beat those Longhorns!

Go Devils!!!

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Friday, June 12, 2009

Good/Bad News

So the good news is.....I don't have Cancer!

The bad news is that I have high grade dysplasia in the section of my colon called sigmoid colon....which isn't good.

I have had UC for over 10 years.....this puts me at a point that I could start to develop cells due to my degenerating organ that are well...... prone to cancer.

As previously stated....I have high grade dysplasia.

I will get cancer at some point.

When is that point...we don't know but my body is on its way to developing it.

Surgery, surgery is in my future.

I won't get cancer (at least in this part of my body) if I have the surgery.

So I have struggled with this news all week. I have cried. I have tried to be so busy that I cant think about it. I have prayed. I have not prayed. I have yelled. I have lost my temper. I have tried to be brave. I have tried to find ways to "save" myself from my destiny.

At this point nothing seems to be helping. I feel very strange inside, I cant really put my finger on how to explain how I feel.

Lance and I went to see a surgeon today. The first of many in a very short period of time I imagine. I was not a fan of what I heard although I knew in my heart and mind (from having been educated on my disease) that what I would hear would most likely be the only route for me.

So now I process. I process what Dr. P said to me today. Then on Monday we go to visit Dr. A.
I know that they wont say anything too different, it will all be in how it is said. But for now I feel like I need to hear more than one or two doctors dictate my fate.

God willing I will know which surgeon to choose and that his/her hands, heart and mind will be guided by God as he/she cares for me.

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PS. Thank you Michelle for lovingly caring for my babies today.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Dreams come true but hoping nightmares dont.

A long time ago, before I was married to Lance, before I had two beautiful children I had a dream. This dream was more of a nightmare. In fact it was long before I was even serious in any relationship. But this nightmare is one I will never forget. This said nightmare has been tucked away, tucked deep down and far away. That is until yesterday, yesterday I got some news that brought this nightmare out of its far away place.

You see I have Ulcerative Colitis, it's an autoimmune disease. Something that comes and goes but you have it for life. I lived for years with symptoms, not knowing what it was, too scared to find out, thinking it would go away. Sometimes it would. Then, then it came back with a vengeance. I was given a diagnosis back in 1997 that changed my life. I had a label to what was ailing me. I was then sick for many years. But then life changed in a magical way. I had a sustainable pregnancy back in Dec. 2005 and since that positive experience I have been in remission. No symptoms. Through another pregnancy I remained symptom free. I rejoiced in this as active colitis with pregnancy can be a terrible, terrible thing for all.

Now being symptom free could give false hope, it could lead one to live in a false reality. You see you are never really rid of this disease. In fact many times you could look healthy as can be and be sick and no one would be leave the pain or discomfort you are experiencing. I heard that for years. But back to this false reality, the one I was living in. I was on one hand waiting for my ticking time bomb to go off. I was on the other living life, not worrying about it. However, I recently had this nagging feeling that I had better get to a doctor, I hadn't seen a GI doctor since moving, since having two babies. Well that's not true. I did see one doctor in between babies. One appointment that fueled my false reality as I left feeling good seeing that I was symptom free and decided not to have a colonoscopy because gasp, I couldn't breastfeed for over 24 hours. At that time, this first time mommy wouldn't hear of any of that nonsense. After all I felt fine, I didn't have pain, discomfort or any other ugly symptom this UC can bring to ones life.

Last month I booked an appointment with a new doctor for when Nana would be in town. Just thought it was time to get a doctor in the ole Rolodex. Just in case. Just in case this disease raised it's ugly head. So Tuesday I bounced off, kid free to this appointment. Took a book I have been trying to read (the shack....ironically) as I was OK with waiting room time being kid free and all. So after several pages, I was called back. Met a nurse, nice lady, Then waited in the tiny exam room. Enjoyed another page of my book. Then the door opened. I then met the Doctor. We'll call him Dr. H. Dr. H is nice man. I enjoyed his bedside manner (VERY important to me, if its no good, I'll drop you). Dr. H then mentioned the word. Colonoscopy. Oh the "c" word. I replied, if we do this it has to be done this week because I had a Nana in town and that would fit the schedule best. Thinking Dr. H would laugh at me (in my past, colonoscopies are scheduled weeks out) but there was no laughing he simply said no problem. What? No, problem, well....OK. I walked with him to the scheduling nurse and booked Thursday morning. Thursday morning I would be all set, ready to go "under" for that colonoscopy. The day before is really the hard part as the day off, you get sent off for a nap....what mommy wouldn't enjoy a drug induced nap. I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed that nap. What I didn't enjoy was the wake up. Let's just say the wake up call I got was not conducive to my false reality.

Dr. H, kind in bedside manner told Lance and I that he found a 8 mm polyp in the sigmoid colon and a likely benign tumor in my transverse colon. He biopsied both and they were sent off to pathology. I now wait...wait two weeks to find out the results. He told me that my UC was not gone, mildly active....even with no symptoms......reminding me that this disease never goes away. Dr. H opened up the conversation of surgery, surgery to remove and resection my colon. This is and has been a fear of mine, would be of any UC patient for a very long time. You see, to get rid of UC, the only way to get rid or cure it is by removal. Dr. H opened this conversation due to the length of time I have had UC and the findings from this Colonoscopy. Reminding me that colon cancer is at a higher rate with UC patients that have had the disease for a said period of time. I lied in that bed a bit shocked, OK a lot shocked. This was NOT apart of my false reality world and I didn't want to open the door and step into the reality Dr. H was speaking of.

So in that moment of Dr. H talking, I closed my eyes and my nightmare appeared. It came out of it's deep far away place.....

My dream slash nightmare was that I would die. I would die leaving a husband with very young children. It was so vivid, it was me in that coffin as I watched the funeral.

So I wait, wait for my news of what Dr. H's biopsies find and I try, try to not focus on that nightmare....because I am hoping it won't come true.

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